Just what are these people up to?
It has been over 45 years since a national magazine (National Lampoon 1973) exploded the truth about the Dutch: sneaky insidious people bent on world domination. They’re weakening our national resolve, planning to take over our country once our people are soft from their chocolates and beer!. And too many Americans just don’t KNOW about these sneaky Gouda-gobbling gremlins!
Don’t believe it? See this photo of Lee Harvey Oswald?
Do you recognize Oswald’s shoes? Wooden. The mark of a low-country cheese chomper: Larch loafers. Maple moccasins. Oak oxfords. Americans: NEVER trust anyone whose shoes need to be varnished!
Leading scholars of the insidious Dutch plots believe that “Oswald’s” real name was Leuvenhook Oswaalt. Historians suggest that he was sent by the insidious Dutch to destabilize the country by making schoolbook depository employees wear clumsy wooden shoes. We think they planned to dig canals and build their “dykes” all over the Gulf Coast! But Oswald apparently ran out of Heinecken (thanks to Dr Scott Braithwaite for this cogent analysis), fell into one of the fits of rage so typical of the Dutch, and he began firing his rifle out the window, hitting JFK while he was drunkenly aiming at a sign advertising Lone Star Beer.
When the sneaky Dutch aren’t busy planning world domination (see The Protocols of the Elders of Holland), they run around building windmills all the hell over! Nobody knows what those stupid windmills are for–meth labs? Dogfighting kennels? Human-slavery barracoons?
And the photo above–SEE? Some insidious Dutchman got on his neighborhood’s HOA Board and said, “Oh, let mee builten joost ONE leetle vindmill!” And THIS is what happened! And they want to build those windmills ALL OVER the USA!
Have you heard of “Dutch Elm Disease?” Why do these people want to kill all our elm trees? What is it about elm trees that they hate so much?
Why do they go around sawing kitchen doors in half? There MUST be some horrible secret behind it!
And how in the world can they wear those stupid wooden shoes? And WHY?
America, it’s time to throw back the tide of these Heinecken hellhounds and make America PURE again! *NO DUTCH* We have to keep them out, to keep our elm trees healthy, or kitchen doors unsawn, and our decent American youth free of the chocolate-and-beer habit the Dutch peddle. It’s obvious: we need to build a wall in the Atlantic ocean and make the DUTCH pay for it.
Compliments, dirty jokes, death threats, business propositions from Nigerian bank managers, and chain email may be sent to Fr33P0rn@kuzenski.org or email@example.com Emails that contain naughty photos will be given first priority for reply.