kuzenski hall
stately Kuzenski Hall, home of the Department of Smartology, on the lovely south campus of prestigious Kuzenski University

If my brutal military junta ever takes over the country, the firing squads will be busy for weeks. Among the people who will be put up against the wall are:

  • The feeble-minded idiots who automatically deride any progressive politician or proposal
  • The congenital moron who places an order at a drive-through, drives to the window, and only THEN starts groping for his wallet (or her purse) for money
  • The contemptible douchebags who say there is no systemic racism in the USA just because they are white and have never experienced it
  • Asshats who think they can excuse or justify racism, sexism, homophobia, or xenophobia, by saying “I’m a christian and it says so in the bible!”
  • “Funny” local TV weathermen or sportscasters
  • Idiots who drive too fast for traffic conditions and pass in the far right lane–and then cut in front of people
  • People who believe that only straight, white, christian Anglos can be “real Americans”arrr
  • “Inspirational quotes” in any form at any time
  • The cretinous journalists who hear “One isolated and not-yet-reproduced experiment shows that fish scales may induce hair growth in mice” and immediately trumpet “Cure for baldness discovered!” And also the cretins who believe them
  • Asshats who get in the “Ten items or fewer” line with a full basket of groceries
  • The loathsome fatheads who think something is true because “I saw it on the internet!”
  • The loathsome fatheads who think something is true because “I heard it on a talk radio show!”
  • People who automatically assume, on first acquaintance, that you have exactly the same religious opinions and beliefs as they do
  • The jerks who have cars that go “THUMP-THUMP-THUMP” near you in traffic. It should be legal to shoot them on the spot
  • The annoying airheads on TV ‘news’ programs who say everything with insincere cheer, and who artificially laugh at their colleagues’ moronic attempts at humor
  • Vacuous cretins who tell you about how some damned self-help book helped them (Hint, cretins: It didn’t help you. You are beyond help, and nobody likes you except other cretins)
  • To submit more, email them to Fr33p0rn@kuzenski.org